Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
