Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
