all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
