Screwed.edu
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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