Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
