Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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