I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
