why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
