I want to stick my p in your. b.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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