apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
