He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
