since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
