Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
