Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
