I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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