Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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