if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
