so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
