I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
