why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
