Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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