According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
