someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
