just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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