she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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