do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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