Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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