I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
