there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
