she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
