It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i can't believe i had my finger in that
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
