sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she pinky promised me she was 18
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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