You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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