Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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