non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
