I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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