Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
did i just pee glitter
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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