you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
