Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
