I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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