um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
