My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
