I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize