Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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