i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Send help, water and tortillas.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
