Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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