I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
