hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize