He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
