I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
