my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He passed out mid-signature
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
