A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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