Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
this is an emotional support booty call
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
