R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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