I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
