God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
