I want to walk on stilts...naked
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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