My first STD was from a foam party
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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