I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
