i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
