im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
