Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize