I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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