Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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