You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
