kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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