There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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