he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
